Interviews / December 13th, 2010
From Malaysian Insider
Discourses with Yang Berhormat
By Sharaad Kuttan
KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 20 — In an exclusive interview,The Malaysian Insider speaks to one of the most recognisable faces in Malaysian politics today on matters central to the state of the nation. The indubitable Yang Berhormat does his best to muddy the waters.
TMI: Let me begin by saying YB (picture) that while too many of our leaders shy away from the mere mention of scandal you seem to bravely go forth. What makes you such a man of substance?
YB: When I was Deputy Minister of Space and Tourism, it was I who piloted the space programme. It was I who mooted the idea to have our very own Angkasawan. It was I who said we must have a handsome Malaysian part-time model to boldly go where no Malaysian has gone before.
Of course now he is married he’s had to resign. His wife didn’t want him to work outstation. And the moon is very far outstation.
However, this doesn’t mean we are cancelling our space programme. No. People are complaining that the submarines we bought recently can’t sink so our scientists and some Bangladeshi workers are turning them into rockets.
It’s very simple. A bit of rocket fuel, a nice logo, a new slogan and voila – The Space Cadet, To Infinity and Beyond!
We can do it! It’s not rocket science after all… soon everyone will know not astronauts, not cosmonauts but the world’s first — Bolehnauts!
In fact, not many people know this but the 100-storey mega tower in the middle of KL will double as our Rocket Tower.
How much will it cost? That’s for me to know and you to find out!
Except you can’t. And won’t.
This is why we have our new slogan. 1 Malaysia… we can still do what we wan!
Get it! Get it! We can still do what we want… oh I’m a joker lah, a joker…
So scandal? Please, I look scandal right in the eye and don’t blink. No whiff of scandal has ever attached itself to my name. What else is the OSA and the ISA and gag orders and the judicial system there for? And if all else fails we go to court and use the “mudah lupa” defence. It works. It really works!
And now I have a new project I came up with it myself. I call it Talent Cork to stop brain drain. We will put a cork to stop the brain draining. It’s my brain child.
Get it! Get it! Brain child! Yes, it’s my very own plan to lure back clever overseas Malaysians by enticing them with a discounted Proton. Of course they can not be cleverer than me. That would be criminal.
TMI: YB you have often used the arts as a platform to keep the public appraised of the goings on of government. Can you tell us something about the “special” relations you have with the arts?
YB: The thing about artists is that they are simple people. You throw them a bone once in a while and they’ll roll over faster than the girls in a Soi Lek video.
Those flers from Instant Cafe are a case in point. They think if they do a bit of comedy, everything will change! That is the problem with satirists — they are essentially romantics and idealists. They don’t realise the more things change the more they stay the same.
I mean look at PKR! But I enjoy our “special relationship.” I give them material for their “comedy” and they keep me in the spotlight.
TMI: What’s in the spotlight, YB?
YB: Talent Cork, the Brain Drain, Odour in Court, Los not Found, Konspirasi, Crossovers, Walkovers, Walkouts, Pullouts, Buy Elections, Show Elections, Towers, Powers, Flowers, Corsages, Massages, Messages, SMSes, Viruses. The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same…
TMI: YB how long have you known Ms Ribena Berry and could you tell us what you think of her talent?
YB: I’ve known Ribena for 20 years. She’s as flexible as ever. Nobody can do a double summersault backflip dismount and apply mascara at the same time.
Recently she “crossed over” and is now a government spokesmodel working for the Ministry of Unhealthy Behaviour.
There’s been an outbreak of the 1S1M1S virus and she has been brought in to do a debriefing. No! Not that kind of debriefing. That kind of debriefing is extra…
TMI: In view of the public concerns about the state of the judiciary, YB, do you think the appearance of Judge Mental Singh on the same platform with government leader such as yourself will stir more rumours of collusion between well-placed individuals and the judiciary?
YB: I have never been in a collision with any member of the judiciary. Once my driver knocked into a Jaguar belonging to the good judge but I told him not to worry about it. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours he said and so we have been.
In fact we bought each other some rather nice Maori backscratchers while on holiday in New Zealand last year.
TMI: It cannot be denied YB that our civil service is the target of much criticism. How do you rate Puan Badariah Minah Periok? Does she work for you, sir?
YB: Puan Badariah is currently working at the Department of Lost and Found. She has been very helpful in making various unpleasant people and things disappear.
She has been very vigilant. While she has been there and has been able to lose quite a number of things.
In the last departmental beauty contest she was voted Miss Shredding Machine OSX Harimau. Unfortunately she could not enjoy the prize money because she has gone missing.
However, I managed to find a good use for the prize money and now my mistress, Cindy, and I are going on a fact-finding mission to Disneyland.
TMI: Lastly YB, are you working on any special projects you would like to share with our readers.
YB: At the moment my pet project is to get the Rakyat to celebrate National Corsage Day. Recently I opened my own chain of flower shops called Flower Power. Then by a happy happy coincidence I awarded myself the contract to supply all the corsages to the members of the Dewan Rakyat.
Then by another happy coincidence I tabled a motion in Parliament declaring November 24th National Corsage Day. I urge all Malaysians to celebrate our having Too Much Power by wearing a Corsage on National Corsage Day. The Bigger the Better. More Power to Your Flower.
TMI: Thank you again YB for your insight into our beloved nation.
The Instant Cafe Theatre Company turns 21 this year and what better way to celebrate than by joining them in the restaging of their 2010 comedy hit 1Sex1Money1Scandal — now with 30 per cent more scandal!
Missing jet engines, missing mistresses, missing evidence and missing memories. When everyone in the country muda lupa who better to remind you than those flers from Instant Cafe– with their infectious new comedy 1S1M1S!
Join the multi-faceted Jo Kukathas as she and some of Instant Cafe’s most hilarious and iconic characters – YB Deputy Minister of Panic, Actress Turned Mistress Ribena Berry, Uncivil Servant Puan Badariah Minah Periok, and Judge Mental Singh find love in all the wrong places. Very wrong places.
Starring Jo Kukathas with Shanthini Venugopal, Junji Delfino, Edwin Sumun, Maya Tan Abdullah, Zalfian Fuzi, Tria Aziz, Nish Tham and Kuah Jenhan.
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